the list

Below I am preserving, both for posterity and for future use, "The List." This was a joint effort of Aaron Leavy, ABJ, Neil, and myself (Kia helped a bit too, but mostly looked at us like we were crazy) over breakfast during our 5-year Oberlin reunion. It started with a simple question: I leaned over to Neil and asked him which one of us was winning so far. We were both leaning toward Beej. This led to a discussion, and then the creation of some objective criteria. They were written on a napkin, which was partially destroyed, so I'm recreating it as best I can....

Objective Criteria:
1. Stable relationship = +1 point, additional .5x# of months of the relationship.
2. Engagement = +3
3. Marriage = -10
4. Each reference to wife as "Ball and Chain" = +1
5. Kids = +5 (points subtracted if your kid is uncool, though)
6. pets = 1/2 a kid
7. real estate = +5
8. lame home = -12 (that particularly includes the suburbs
9. gambling income = +1 for each $2,500/year
10. completed masters = +2
completed doctorate = +5 (each, in Neil's case)
any dissertation = +3
articles published = -1 each
11. general income = +1 for each $25,000/year
12. one-night "relationships" = +.5 per person
13. calendar appearances (because Neil is calendar-pretty) = +10
14. states lived in = +1 each (must have lived there 1 month with employment or 3 without)
15. ability to dunk a basketball = +4
16. gun ownership = +1, unless you have a kid, in which case it's -50,000,000 and everyone you know is required to constantly say "dude, you have a KID."
17. continents visited = +1 each
18. space travel = +5
space travel as a crew member = +5
19. active a capella = -10
20 active swingdancing = -.25
21. active Aaron beatboxing = -.25
22. best barney impression = +.25
23. active band membership = +2
24. best blog = +2
25. actively connected to famous people = +2 each
26. most friendsters = +1
27. best city lived in = +4 for best, +3 for second, etc
28. attending Red Sox world series win = +5
29. totally can't read this one.
30. planets saved = +2 each
31. appearances in national competitions = +2 each
32. scoring with Beej's sister = +5
33. historical events participated in = sliding scale
34. scale of 1-10, "how's life?" = self-rate
35. defendant in class-action lawsuit = +5
36. corporate sponsorships = +2 each
37. still living in Oberlin = -300